Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Napkin Scrawl #13 - Paranoid

Every morning is the same. I wake, check my phone for messages, get up, and head to the bathroom. It seems a bit mundane, this ritual of sorts. But, routine helps a blurry-eyed work-a-holic who spends too many hours awake.

My bathroom dons a wall-sized mirror, passage to a walk in closet, see through shower doors, and of course the water closet. I can traverse this room with my eyes closed, which I tend to do most days.

Today like every other day, I leave a trail of clothing from my bed to the bathroom. I walk into the bathroom, start the shower, and then brush my teeth. While my brush is in my mouth and toothpaste runs down my chin, my imagination gives me a stir. Suddenly I feel as if someone is watching me. My heart races as I look around the room. No one is there but me. Taking in a deep breath, I calm myself and continue brushing my teeth.

Steam fills the room, the mirror fogs. There it is again. The hair on the back of my neck pricks up. I sense someone is watching me. I look around the room, but see only my own reflection in the mirror. What a strange and irksome feeling. I think to myself, “I must be paranoid. There is nobody here.” I shake my head as if trying to shake a tangible feeling from my mind.

As I walk toward the shower, I turn the fan on to clear the steam. There are two fans in my bathroom, so I use them both. “Oh. My. God,” I think to myself. My mind runs rampant with paranoid thoughts of hidden cameras. I look in the fan cages, under the sink, or anywhere else that I can think. Tugging on the mirror, I find that it is securely glued to the wall. The only way to check behind it is to break the mirror. Each day I consider this possibility.

Water still running and now very hot, I step into the shower and try to ignore my paranoia. One last place I need to check, I look down the shower drain. I feel so exposed right now behind the clear glass doors. I stand in the hot stream of water trying to relax. Breathe in breathe out. “Relax, there’s now one here but you.” I tell myself.

The water melts away the worry and my mind is once again at peace. I laugh at myself for the stupidity. Boy, do I feel stupid.

Shower done, water is off. I step out of the shower and retrieve my towel. This time I hear a sound. I gasp! What the hell was that? I quickly wrap my towel around me. The mirror now completely fogged up. The fans both are running. Perhaps I just hear the fan. Curious.

Drying off quickly, I exit my bathroom to get dressed. “Perhaps I need therapy,” I say to myself while I search for clothes to wear. “Or maybe next time I’ll bring a screwdriver and a rock.”

Some days are not so bad. I follow the same routine, but instead of fearing what probably is not there, I speak loudly and say, “It’s your eyes… don’t blame me for what you see!” I laugh and continue with my daily routine.

No comments: