Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Napkin Scrawl #16 - I'm Sorry

How does one say, “I’m sorry” when all you have are words? You cannot express yourself with facial expressions, audible voice, trinkets, or touch, just written words.

Words written, put me where I am today. Words written, sunk deeply into the heart and mind of the ones I love. Words written to mean one thing may have been misstated or misunderstood. How does one make right what has been said?

Feelings, emotions, were the driving force behind the words. Did they speak out the correct meaning? Tears, sadness, loneliness, and rejection make one say things they do not mean. So often, we allow our emotions to speak before our brains kick in. Yet, when our emotions well up inside and everything comes to a head, don’t you wish you could clearly choose to hold your tongue until the dust settles? Sometimes the emotion stirs like a tornado and you speak out, hoping that you can throw the anchor out to find that one person who can anchor you.

Once the dust settles, the guilt presses in. Guilt makes one think unclearly too. In an effort to right wrongs said, we often tend to offend the ones we love.

Also, can you tell me, why do we often feel that negative emotions must bring us to a point of admitting that we should no longer be in this world? Am I so weak that I need to threaten the end to life just to feel better? Death is not the answer. Life is to be lived, WITH all its difficulties. What is it Friedrich Nietzsche said? “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”

Now my words have been read and my pain subsided. Now I feel I have lost you. Perhaps it is just me, but I feel distance between us. How can I recover what we once had?

My hope is that “I’m sorry” is enough because that is all I have. Moreover, thank you for being there when my tornado blew through.

Thank you for being my anchor.

1 comment:

Aim4theNeck said...

Everything u write is so meaningful and beautiful. You always manage to bring a tear to my eye.
x x