Friday, June 4, 2010

Napkin Scrawl #14 - Angels Among Us

As a child, I seemed to be afraid of everything. The first fears I recollect were legitimate. I grew up when a notorious killer was on the loose and had serious nightmares of him. I woke many nights screaming because in my dreams he had killed my parents and was after my little brother. In my dream, blood was everywhere. The killer chased after my brother and me… and in the end, the part that made me scream, I watched him capture and kill my little brother.

I was one of those who, before bed, had a ritual. I would check under my bed and in my closet, looking for someone, anyone who could be hiding there. I shudder to think of what I would have done had I found someone. Once I found that all was clear, the closet door had to remain open all night, but I was set and ready for lights out. My parents would close our bedroom door every night, which compounded the darkness and my fears.

Too many nights, I would lay in bed, wide-eyed, searching the darkness for shadows. My imagination would run rampant; I would hear noises in the night. Finally, only from pure exhaustion, I would fall to sleep.

One night, I woke screaming. I had had one of my worst nightmares. It still sits in my memory decades later. On that night, my mother brought a bible opened it to some random page, placed it in my headboard and told me that Angels were there in my room watching over me. The Angels would protect me from any more bad dreams and they would keep the shadows away. I clung to that thought and fell fast asleep.

In fact, it was that thought that helped me through many of my fears. Even today, as a grown adult, I fear the darkness and I fear being alone. Call me crazy if you must, but those Angels are always here. They always help to ease my mind.

I think this is when the concept of Angels watching over me became reality in my life.

Now, I see that Angels come in different forms. Not only do they watch over me as I sleep, but they show themselves in forms as friends. I speak to them every day. They have an uncanny ability to know when I am down or just need an ear to listen. Although they are not physically with me, I feel their arms around me when I find that I need a hug. They reach out for me when I have become silent. Or just stop by to chat.

Oft times, I must admit, I feel as though I may burn my Angels out with my mood swings and fears. However, one day, an Angel asked me, “Do you tire from being leaned on by others? You see,” continued my Angel, “You are an Angel to many, including me. Do you tire of us?”

Of course, I’ve never thought of myself as an angel. However, I replied from my heart with a reverberating NO! “You see,” I explained, “I understand the emotions all too well and therefore feel the need to be there whenever needed. I love to help a friend in need. If I lift a friend's spirits, or help to calm their savage beast just a little, I feel complete.”

My Angel smiled at me, or at least I imagined so, I could see it as she typed. “Then why do you think any less of us? We love to help you when you need it and we feel complete when we’ve lifted your spirits, or calmed your savage beast.”

“I can’t help but worry that you’ll tire of me and leave.” I replied.

That is when I realized that there are different types of angels. Some only touch our lives but for a moment as they move on to the place where they are most useful. Others, fall into our lives, never to leave. There aren’t many that stay, but when they do, it is so nice to know they are always there no matter what.

I wonder if Angels tire of us asking them if they tire of us. If I were an Angel, I would always answer no. Are all angels the same?

I am so thankful for the Angels in my life!


Nessa_luvs_EB said...

*sniff* see my dear friend....angels do not, and as a matter of fact, angels give and never think twice about it.....they do it because they love you.....I LOVE all my angels as well......I know this past year I have about new angels and I am forever grateful and my heart smiles just knowing they are there when I need them.....Love you ;) ....hope you know that...

Judy said...

That's a really sweet notion! True in many ways. I'm not religious so I don't know if I would use the word Angels...but I know I have many wonderful people in my life who have been there for me when times got too dark...and in return, I'll be there for them. The brightest light in all my darkness is my daughter...she's always been the light in my dark. I am so fortunate to have her and my wonderful friends and even some of my family - people who love me just as I am ...even when I get too BOPPY!!

Aim4theNeck said...

So beautiful and so true! You and Nessa_loves_EB said it all.