Thursday, January 27, 2011

Napking Scrawl #28 -- Battle Within

Helpless and alone, I sit here wishing you were here. My heart beats the hardest when you are on my mind. It reminds me of what once was and what could be. As if to tell me there is a void, my heart squeezes hard to remind me that you aren’t here and that yet again, I am alone.

“Be still my heart,” I direct my thoughts. “Try to see the bright side. With no one here to fill you, you can beat all the harder and with more freedom. You can show your independence!” As if my heart had a mind of its own … I shake my head in wonderment, knowing I can do nothing to fill the absence. My mind wanders, thinking of ways to busy itself and fill the gap within my soul.

Closing my eyes, I look deep within and I remember the last time we were together. Your touch, you scent, your kiss are all but a memory, first vivid, clear and tangible, then fading into a mist. Mentally, I reach out to touch you, but like smoke, you vanish. What happened? Where did you go? Why did you leave?

My heart reminds me of the love that it once had and shows me the flame still glowing deep within. Now it only flickers, small and not so brightly, but it still dances in my heart waiting to burn ablaze once again.

My mind begins to wonder, does your heart beat hard within you? Does it remind you of me? Do you feel a void? Do you need me as I need you? Perhaps not, I think. Perhaps I’m the needy one. Perhaps I’m the only one who feels a void.

If that is the case and it is only me, my heart cries out for you once more. Come back to me quickly, for there is a battle going on, where heart and mind battle within, trying to find the reason why there is this great emptiness. My heart craves your touch. It needs your kiss to rekindle the fire.

Both heart and mind agree on one thing. I love you.