Monday, August 30, 2010

Napkin Scrawl #22 -- Fence of Emotion

Sitting on a fence of emotion, one side gloriously positive, the other its opposite, one push and I fall. One day a kind word, a touch, a kiss sends me sailing, floating, fluttering inside. The next an unpleasant sigh, a harsh word, a mean look, I falter, falling, diving into a tailspin of despair.

You send me soaring to one side or the other, like an emotional barometer. Your words, your touch, your tenderness send the mercury of my heart into soaring highs or diving lows.

My heart holds on to each emotion as if no other can replace it. But each minute, hour, day, holds something new.

There are two sides to everything. Choices to be made. Will you make the mercury of my heart soar? Or will you cause my heart to sink?

Friday, August 27, 2010

Napkin Scrawl #21 - Diabolic Eminence

Off in the distance is a rumble
The ground shakes, rolls, and mumbles.

Clouds float through the skies
Cruising on great highs.

Lightning cracks, sizzles, sears
Eyes see, ears hear.

The sky concedes to lightning’s strikes
Floods of tears fall from its might.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Napkin Scrawl #20 -- Fighting the Monsters

A monster looms, sitting on my mind’s shoulder as a gargoyle lurking, ready for attack. Just the right ingredients of emotion and he flies off to try to conquer my mind. Like a vulture he sits, waiting for the right thought, the right sigh, or the right feeling to arise.

It sits there stroking that last nerve that sends one into contemplation of self. Silence looms in my mind and he begins whispering his lies of malcontent. “You have been forgotten. *Haha!* Nobody cares how you feel! *HeHeHe* Oh, he forgot to say good-bye. Oh dear, he must not care for you. *Haha*” He jests and laughs, hoping it will draw me deeper into the darkness of my mind.

*Sigh* “Maybe I’m just a bad friend. Or, maybe no one really cares. Maybe I am alone.” I begin repeating the lies that darken my thoughts.

I fight back, first ignoring the malignant lies. I explain inside my mind that this is merely loneliness working hand in hand with some paranoia. Two nasty monsters that loom in the back of my mind, hoping that one day I might believe their garbage. However, sometimes talking to myself is not enough. Their darkness presses in.

Turning on music, I am intent on washing away the darkness that shrouds my mind. At least with music blaring, my thoughts are at bay. Dancing, swaying, bouncing to the tunes, the monsters run away. They don’t like my happiness. It acts like a wet blanket that puts out their flames. However, this only lasts as long as the playlist runs. Once again, I hear the whispers, the lies. I feel as if I’m missing something… something critical.

Sleep sometimes helps, but then am I not just running away from the inevitable? Will I not have to face this monster once again? Won’t it just invade my dreams?

A sound comes from my phone a text message arrives. “Hey bb! Hope you’re having a good day, *hugs*” I close my eyes and imagine the warmth of that hug. Like sunshine on my face, it pushes the loneliness away. I smile knowing that I am not alone and someone does care.

I grin at the monsters, pushing them further and further away. “You can’t have me this time! I win!” I watch as the warmth flows through me shining through the shroud that threatens to steal my joy and happiness.

I remember the words of Lewis Carrol:
“One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.”
I remind myself that I must keep myself busy and wield MY vorpal blade, writing, working, reading, and chatting with friends. These are just a few ways to keep the gargoyles from ruining my day!

It’s my turn to pay forward. I reach out to a friend and send a hug along, hoping to push their darkness away too.

**Hugs!** Let that be your sword to fight back the darkness!

Friday, August 20, 2010

Awakened - Chapter 3

“Peter, Peter, Peter,” Christoph chuckled as he opened the door. “What can I do for you, sir?”

Peter giggled at his father's use of the word 'sir'. “You’re silly Dad!” Peter nearly tackled Christoph with a great big hug. “It’s good to see you Daddy.” His hug showed Christoph just how much Peter had truly missed him.

Christoph grabbed hold of Peter and gave him one big hug. It felt like a lifetime since he had hugged so tightly. Christoph held him and breathed in his scent. “It’s good to see you too son. I missed you too! Now, what is it that I can do for you?” He let him go from his embrace.

Peter hung his head and said, “Um, I was just lonely and wondered where Momma was. I’m kind of hungry and wondered if I could have a snack.”

Christoph rested his hand atop Peter’s head, “Hmm, snack huh? Well first, you have to do something for me.” Peter looked inquisitive. “First, you need to tell me what time it is, because I’m just not sure.”

Peter smiled then darted into the kitchen and looked at the clock radio. “Its 3:30, Dad!” Resting his hands on his hips, he blurted out with a huff, as if Christoph should have known already.

Laughing, Christoph shook his head and replied, “Not that clock! That clock is digital and doesn’t teach you how to tell time! Next time, I want to you use this!” He pulled out a watch from his pocket and handed it to Peter. “I saw this at a shop whilst I was away this last time. It kept speaking to me. Want to know what it said?” Peter’s eyes lit up and he nodded vigorously. Christoph sat on a chair in the kitchen and pulled Peter closer to himself. He put the watch on his wrist, and quietly murmured into Peter’s ear, “It said, ‘I would like to be Peter’s watch. Get me for Peter.’”

Peter giggled, “No it didn’t Dad!”

“It didn’t? How do you know? You see Goofy right there. Maybe it was his voice I heard.” Peter looked intently at his new Goofy watch then he placed his ear on the face, ‘Tick, tick, tick’ was all he heard.

“I don’t hear Goofy Dad,” he whispered.

Christoph could not help but laugh. “Peter, where are Goofy’s hands pointing on the watch?”

Looking intently once again, Peter said, “The short hand is between the three and the four, and the long one is on the seven.”

“So do you know what time that is?” Christoph asked.

Peter used his pointer finger from his right hand and began pointing at each number whilst counting by fives, “Five, ten, fifteen …” He counted to thirty-five, and then proudly announced, “Thirty-five minutes after three! Three thirty-five!”

“Good job, my man! Give me five!” He held his hand out waiting for Peter to slap his hand, which Peter took as an invitation to slap his hand hard. ‘Smack!’

“Well Peter, what this means is that dinner is closer now and having a big snack is probably out of the question, so, how’s about a small one? Hmm, let me think…Want to share an apple with me?” Peter nodded his head in affirmation. “Ok, go get me an apple and I’ll cut it up for both of us.” Peter went to the refrigerator, opened the door, and picked the biggest reddest apple he could find. He walked to the sink, turned the cold water on, and began to wash the apple off. He then took his apple to the cutting board on the counter. “One second, Pete.” Christoph grabbed the sponge and spray cleaner and quickly sprayed the counter down. Then he set the cutting board down. “There we go! Let’s cut this.” Christoph cut up the apple into eighths. He put four in a bowl for Peter and put four in a second bowl for himself. Then he went to the refrigerator again grabbed the Peanut Butter and spooned out a big spoonful in his own bowl then offered Peter a spoonful. Peter nodded his head again, affirming his desire for Peanut Butter.

As Peter began to eat his snack at the table, he began to wonder why his dad was being so silly and happy. Shrugging it off to himself, he took another bite and stared at Goofy’s hands on his watch. He loved Goofy very much and was elated to have his favorite cartoon character on his wrist. His grin grew on his face as he put his apple down and wrapped his arms around his dad. “Thanks for the watch Dad. I love it.” He kissed his dad on the cheek with mushy Peanut Butter kiss.

They both laughed as Christoph wiped the Peanut Butter from his cheek. “You’re welcome buddy… now go finish your snack before your mom comes out and notices that I’ve just spoiled your appetite.” Peter went back to eating his snack.

* * * * *

“Slam!” The screen door shut hard and tight at the front door. Peter jumped up startled at the sound. Christoph looked in the direction of the front door. Andrew ran through the door shouting, “Pete! Pete! Where are you?”

Peter waved his Peanut Butter covered hand, “In the kitchen!”

Andrew barreled through the house, excited to see Peter. “Dude! C’mon outside. We need another player for ‘Capture the Flag!’”

In all the excitement, Christoph stood up and reached for Andrew. “Hey, Andrew, don’t you say hi to your ol’ dad.”

“Oh... Hey Dad, when did you get home?” His excitement diminished a bit as he realized his father was home.

“Well, I’ve been home all day. I was working in my office today.”

Andrew stood there puzzled. He remembered when he came home, peeking through his father’s office doorway. “Hmm, I looked in your office when I came home. I didn’t see you in there.” He shrugged his shoulders, believing perhaps that his father was just teasing him.

Christoph explained, “Well, I wasn’t in my office when you came home. I have been in there working all day, though. I had decided on a break for a bit when you boys came home. Eh, why am I explaining all this to you?” He smirked and then ruffled Andrew’s hair.

Andrew shrugged his shoulders and attempted to rake his mussed hair back into place. “I don’t know, just seems like you’re not around much anymore.”

Christoph began to feel guilty for being gone so much. His business had taken him away from his family more than he expected. Sitting there at the table, he tried to gather his thoughts, but he kept hearing Andrew’s words echo through his head. “Well, Andrew…” he lingered as he tried to formulate his thoughts. He took his bowl of apple slices and offered it to Andrew. “This new job I have may not be fun for the family, right now, but I hope that in the near future I can be home more often.” Christoph was not certain how much explanation he needed to ease his boys’ minds. Taking a moment longer, he then drummed his fingers on the table and gave Andrew a hug. “I’m sorry I’ve not been around. These last few weeks have been hard for me too.”

Andrew had become bitter. Standing there in his father’s embrace, he could not hug back. His feelings were hurt and he was concerned for his mother’s loneliness, but he would not let his father know his thoughts. Not now, not yet. “Uh, yeah Dad, I got some friends waiting for me outside… We need to go. C’mon Pete.” He strode away from his dad, grabbed Peter by the arm and walked out the front door.”

“Hey, wait a sec!” Christoph shouted. “Be back in an hour to check in with your mom!”

“Yeah, yeah… Whatever.” Andrew waved his hand as if trying to erase a bad memory.

Christoph leaned against the kitchen doorjamb and let out a deep sigh. It was then he realized that he had some serious issues to deal with at home. It was as if his eyes opened from a dream and revealed the loss of his family. Yes, he still lived there. Yes, he was still married to the most beautiful woman he had ever met. Yes, he had two wonderful boys. But, to Christoph, it felt as if they no longer saw him as husband and father, but as a passer-by, a stranger, living in the same home, but not in their lives. So many things were different and distant. Yet because of his work, his choice was to ignore things at home until he could get his workload leveled out and under control. The only problem… his workload never did level out. He was constantly working toward the next deadline, the next emergency, the next catastrophe.

Pulled from his thoughts, Christoph heard a loud crash, tinkle and then the cat screaming and hissing to the commotion outside. Christoph ran out the back door to investigate. As he exited the door, he spotted their grey cat, Schrödinger, scampering away from a pile of glass and humming bird food on the ground. Schrödinger had apparently attempted to catch a hummingbird but missed terribly, knocking the feeder off its hook.

Christoph went back into the kitchen to find a broom. “Where the hell does she keep the broom?” He mumbled himself as he looked in every cupboard throughout the kitchen.

The bedroom door opened, drawing Christoph’s attention from his search. Laurel walked out the door and glanced up to see Christoph frustrated from rifling through the cupboards. “What’s up babe? Did you lose something?” She grinned at him, knowing that he was out of his element there in the kitchen.

Christoph now flustered, answered, “I’m just looking for the broom! It seems Schrödinger has made a mess of the hummingbird feeder. I was going to sweep it up before you came out here.”

“Oh no! I loved that feeder. Darn that cat!” Reaching in the corner, next to the door, Laurel grabbed the broom and dustpan and began to walk out the door.

Christoph dashed to her side and grabbed the broom and dustpan from her hands. “Here, I can handle it!" He then continued out the door and began to sweep up the broken pieces of glass outside. She stood there, stunned that he had taken the tools swiftly and abruptly from her hands.

Laurel watched as he swept through the sticky, syrupy mess. She found it appealing to watch him maneuver the mess into one pile and then bend to scoop it up into the dustpan. She tried to remember the last time she had seen Christoph clean up anything. She could not. As she stood there deep in her thoughts watching, it occurred to her that she could help by getting the garden hose to spray down the sticky mess.

Walking to the back of the house, Laurel untangled the garden hose, stretching it out so that she could use it where Christoph was working. She then returned to the spigot and turned the water on full blast. Laurel’s eyes widen as she watched the garden hose take on a life of its own, spraying water everywhere. Quickly, she ran to capture the nozzle end. The wicked hose had sprayed and soaked her as she reached out to grab the sprayer. Disengaging the sprayer, Laurel stood there dripping wet and in shock. She looked up at Christoph who was rolling in laughter at her demise.

Not appreciating Christoph’s laughter, Laurel took the sprayer nozzle pointed it at him and squeezed the trigger firmly. “That’s for laughing at me!” She shouted at Christoph. The water found its target completely soaking Christoph from head to toe. Christoph dropped the broom and ran toward Laurel as she continued to spray him.

Realizing that she had just drenched Christoph, Laurel let out a squeal and began laughing. She turned quickly and began to run with the garden hose in tow, spraying him as she ran. Christoph pursued her until she had run out of hose. Then like a lion playing with its prey, he stalked closer to her, making certain she could not get away.

“You drenched me, you wicked minx! Why did you do that?” He asked, as his devious smile grew bigger on his face.

Laurel’s eyes grew big and round as she readied herself for another escape. “I didn’t mean to soak you!” She replied with a giggle, “I just meant to... uh… startle you. You laughed at me!”

“Seeing the look on your face after being hosed down by the ‘wild’ garden hose was pretty entertaining!” By now, Christoph was rolling in laughter as he reenacted what he saw only moments earlier.

Laurel feinted left then ran right in an attempt to dodge Christoph. Seeing her deceptive dodge, Christoph ran after her. “I swear… I’m going to get that hose and soak you down! We’ll see how you like that.” Christoph laughed manically with his threat. Finally, Christoph found his opportunity and cut across the yard. Leaping forward, he grabbed at Laurel, hooking his arms around her waist and tackling her to the ground. He finally reached out, grabbed the hose from her hands, and pointed the nozzle right at her.

“No! No! No! It was an accident!” Laurel squirmed and laughed as she tried to convince Christoph. “I. Am. So. Sorry.” She giggled and snorted trying to get the words out, “I was just trying to help you clean up!”

“Here let me help clean YOU up.” Christoph squeezed the sprayer, spraying Laurel all the way down her body. Laurel screamed at the cold water completely drenching her fresh clothes. She guarded her face with her hands, hoping to keep the spray from getting in her eyes. She tried as hard as she could to wriggle free, but Christoph lay on her legs, pinning her to the ground.

Christoph saw that Laurel was covering her face from the spray. So, he took the opportunity, to swiftly and simultaneously grab her pants and the sprayer nozzle and spray the water into her pants. “Nooo!” Laurel screamed. “Chris! These are fresh clothes!”

By now, Laurel began to get upset. She had no place to go, was completely helpless, and now completely well soaked. All she could do was hit Christoph in the head with her hands. So, she began swinging. This was no longer fun!

One hit to the head and Christoph realized he had taken his fun too far. He tossed the sprayer nozzle away and held onto Laurel as she squirmed. He laid his head on her cold, wet stomach, trying to calm her down. Laurel grabbed two fists full of hair and pulled hard. “Whoa baby! Easy Laurel! I’m sorry! Ouch!” He exclaimed. Freeing himself from her grasp, he rolled off her and let her up.

Just his weight removed from her legs helped Laurel to let go of all her pent up anxiety and breathe. She jumped to her feet and looked squarely at Christoph not sure of what she wanted to say. She was so upset with what had happened. Standing there, she first put her hands on her hips. That felt wrong so she fidgeted more then crossed her arms in front of herself. That was when she realized that there was a cool breeze blowing and she was freezing cold.

“Uh, baby? Are you ok?” Christoph cajoled. He reached out to touch her leg. “I’m sorry, baby.”

Lauren took a deep breath and let it out a loud blast of air. “Yes. I’ll be fine.” She stated. “I don’t like being pinned like that, I guess.”

“Come here.” He reached up to take her hand. Laurel took it and came back down to Christoph in the grass. He took her waist in his hands and drew her to him. “Let me try to warm you up.”

Laurel straddled Christoph’s hips and sat on him saying, “I’m not cold.”

Christoph looked up at Laurel. Her arms rippled with goose bumps from the cool blowing breeze. She wore a white t-shirt, which clung to her skin. Her tan skin showed through her wet t-shirt. Her nipples were visibly firm, her breasts round and tempting. He reached up cupping both breasts gently in his hands. He drew circles around her nipples with his thumbs, occasionally stroking over the tips. “You sure look cold to me.” He grinned. “Maybe you are just glad to see me.” He smirked. He reached inside her wet shirt and found her breasts once more. He continued rubbing and kneading her breasts. He took her nipples between his thumb and forefinger, pinching firmly and then starting all over again.

Each stroke, each squeeze, and each pinch caused Laurel’s breath to hitch. She could feel her breast harden more then they were from the cold. “Oooh, you naughty boy!” She exclaimed, pushing into the motions his hands made. The pleasure she felt caused her to rock on Christoph’s groin.

Leaning down to Christoph, Laurel’s lips found his. Her tongue searched to gain entrance into his mouth. She gently sucked in his lower lip and bit down. Christoph moaned. Laurel placed her hands in Christoph’s hair using it to pull her cold, wet, perky body across his chest. They kissed again. This time both gained access to the other. Their tongues danced together as their bodies began their telltale signs of desire.

“No, you call out to them!” Peter whispered to Andrew.

“No way! You call out to them. They won’t get mad at you!” Andrew said in a not so quiet voice.

Hearing the boys arguing, Christoph and Laurel snapped their heads up to see where the boys were. Using each other to cover their evidence of intimate behavior, Laurel smiled and said, “What’s up boys? Is there something you need?”

“Dad said to be back in an hour for dinner.” Andrew explained.

Laurel looked down to Christoph for an explanation. Christoph just shrugged. “Oops. I lost track of time I guess. Uh, let’s see… Could one of you go grab a towel for Mom? I think she’s cold.” He smirked at Laurel.

Peter replied, “I will daddy. Be right back.” Off he ran through the back door, into the house. Within a minute or two, Peter ran out the door again, running toward Laurel and Christoph with a huge beach towel bunched up on his head. “Here you go mom!”

Taking the towel, Laurel wrapped herself up and started for the house. Looking at Christoph, she grinned and said, “I guess I need to go get MORE dry clothes on. See you inside.” Off she strode.


Napkin Scrawls #19 -- Another Strange Dream

Burning my candle at both ends to try and get my work done, only makes for the strangest dreams in my head. Check this one out.

I lay down to take a nap for about an hour….

There is sand all around. Apparently, I’m sitting in a Saharan desert of sorts. Two friends and I were to clean out these round pottery pots that were dirty and some were full of sand. I was familiar with this job and had been doing it for a while. I knew that snakes could be in the pots, so I cautioned my friends to be careful.

Suddenly, I heard one friend scream loudly & I saw a pot fly though the air. She then ran after the pot, and took it into a corner with a stick or twig to do something with it. Finally, I ran over to check on her. She was shaking, her eyes were huge saucers, and she was scared shitless. I asked her what was wrong. She slowly brought out the stick and said, "I found a snake."

She brought the 'snake' into view for me to see. It was a centipede.

Looking at her I exclaimed, “That’s not a snake!”

Realizing they had no idea what a snake was, I went over to my truck, turned the engine on so that my laptop could have some juice. I googled snakes, and while adjusting my laptop for them to see, I some how shifted my truck into gear. It took off down the road, accelerating to full speed.

Suddenly, I'm on the wrong side of the freeway driving 75 mph into a construction zone that bottlenecks down to one lane! I’m panicked, trying to navigate through traffic that is coming at me, and hoping avoid a pile up in the single lane streaming with cars!

I fumbled with the accelerator and managed to get the truck slowed down. I moved over to the one open lane, and find that I can U-turn to go back on the freeway. However, I find that this too is the wrong side of the freeway to go home.

Just then, my alarm goes off and I realize this was yet another wild ride in my mind. Before I am able to awake fully, I realized that some how I had ended up on the correct side of the road.