Napkin Scrawl #20 -- Fighting the Monsters

A monster looms, sitting on my mind’s shoulder as a gargoyle lurking, ready for attack. Just the right ingredients of emotion and he flies off to try to conquer my mind. Like a vulture he sits, waiting for the right thought, the right sigh, or the right feeling to arise.

It sits there stroking that last nerve that sends one into contemplation of self. Silence looms in my mind and he begins whispering his lies of malcontent. “You have been forgotten. *Haha!* Nobody cares how you feel! *HeHeHe* Oh, he forgot to say good-bye. Oh dear, he must not care for you. *Haha*” He jests and laughs, hoping it will draw me deeper into the darkness of my mind.

*Sigh* “Maybe I’m just a bad friend. Or, maybe no one really cares. Maybe I am alone.” I begin repeating the lies that darken my thoughts.

I fight back, first ignoring the malignant lies. I explain inside my mind that this is merely loneliness working hand in hand with some paranoia. Two nasty monsters that loom in the back of my mind, hoping that one day I might believe their garbage. However, sometimes talking to myself is not enough. Their darkness presses in.

Turning on music, I am intent on washing away the darkness that shrouds my mind. At least with music blaring, my thoughts are at bay. Dancing, swaying, bouncing to the tunes, the monsters run away. They don’t like my happiness. It acts like a wet blanket that puts out their flames. However, this only lasts as long as the playlist runs. Once again, I hear the whispers, the lies. I feel as if I’m missing something… something critical.

Sleep sometimes helps, but then am I not just running away from the inevitable? Will I not have to face this monster once again? Won’t it just invade my dreams?

A sound comes from my phone a text message arrives. “Hey bb! Hope you’re having a good day, *hugs*” I close my eyes and imagine the warmth of that hug. Like sunshine on my face, it pushes the loneliness away. I smile knowing that I am not alone and someone does care.

I grin at the monsters, pushing them further and further away. “You can’t have me this time! I win!” I watch as the warmth flows through me shining through the shroud that threatens to steal my joy and happiness.

I remember the words of Lewis Carrol:

“One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.”

I remind myself that I must keep myself busy and wield MY vorpal blade, writing, working, reading, and chatting with friends. These are just a few ways to keep the gargoyles from ruining my day!

It’s my turn to pay forward. I reach out to a friend and send a hug along, hoping to push their darkness away too.

**Hugs!** Let that be your sword to fight back the darkness!